The Ebb and Flow of Female Friendships

I’ve never been good at maintaining friendships with other women. Without going into my angsty teen years or wild college days, it’s safe to say our friendships didn’t last once we moved geographically apart. Except for one very good friend from high school. We both joke we’re each other’s oldest friend.

As an introvert and the only Asian American in my grade, I hid behind books. A voracious reader, I envied the closeness between Claudia (a Japanese American in a book!), MaryAnne, Kristy, and Stacey: The Baby-Sitter’s Club. I wished for a gaggle of girls to hang out with like Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield in Sweet Valley High. (I wished for a twin sister, too.) While other girls my age wished for the camaraderie seen on Grease and The Breakfast Club movies, I found my fantasy girlfriends in yellowing paperbacks from the shelves of my bookmobile.

Obviously, those female friendships are fictional. They had less drama and angst than my real life relationships with other girls. I had a lot of drama in my family life so additional angst with my girlfriends was a lot to deal with.

I’ve had plenty of girlfriends over the years. Most I keep at arm’s reach for various reasons. Mostly because my life is much fuller than it was 10 years ago. My kids and my husband take up the bulk of my non-working, waking hours. My family is my top priority.

Adult friendships are tough, especially if you both have families with young kids. I admit that I don’t always work hard to maintain my relationship with my female friends. It takes a lot of energy for me to reach out to make plans for coffee or lunch. Damned introverted self.

After convincing myself that I’m mostly ok with having a small tiny circle of close friends, I find myself in the midst of some amazing women. Yes, I have found women who are like me: driven, funny, smart, blunt, and best of all–they dislike drama as much as I do. Oh, and they like to talk and joke about sex. Score!

How did I get so lucky and manage to find these women? I don’t know, but I’ll ride this wave with them because they get me. Our friendship didn’t grow overnight. In fact, we’ve known each other for many years. Somehow, the universe put us together in a different arrangement and everything clicked.

I know not all friendships last forever, even if The Baby-Sitters Club says otherwise. That was a tough lesson to learn.

Friendships come and go; they ebb and flow. I think the key is ride the gentle waves, instead of rushing through them. Don’t force things and be ready to let go if we don’t click.

The journey to friendships is as important as the friends we make.