Everywhere we go, strangers ooh and aah over Sophia’s black curly hair. Most of the time she loves her hair too. I admit, sometimes I’m envious of her curls too. Her hair is a gorgeous blend of my stick straight Asian hair and my husband tight coarse African American hair. The only time she really complains about her hair is when I comb out the knots. Over winter break, we had a mother daughter heart-to-heart about her biracial hair.
As we sat on my bed during our heart-to-heart Sophia expressed how much she liked her best friend’s hair. I love the energy between them when they’re together. It’s adorable. Her BFF is African American and her latest hair style are twisted ponytails. It’s not the first time Sophia has expressed interest in braids and twists in her hair
Sophia spoke admiringly of her BFF’s twisted ponytails. Then she shared how she attempted to put her hair in similar twists. However, her attempts didn’t work. I could see tears of frustration form in her eyes as she told me how, time and time again, her twists came out. She just wanted her hair to look like her best friends. Best friends do things together.
My heart ached for her.
I wanted for her finish and gave her a big hug. I don’t know anything about natural African American hair. My husband used to wear a flat top in his high school days, but now he just keeps his hair super short. What advice does a mother with stick straight hair give to a daughter with curly hair?
Then it came to me. Sophia is a scientific thinker. I explained how different types of hair had different textures. She had seen photos of different hair types under a microscope. So we chatted about how her hair was a smoother than her BFF’s so that’s probably why S’s twists slid out. I shared how I could never get a tight French braid in my hair when I was a kid. Unless I put giant amounts of gel and hairspray. She got a huge kick out of that.
After we discussed the science of hair, I reminded Sophia that every person’s hair is different. How her BFF’s hair might even be different than her mother’s or older sister’s. How I wanted curly hair so badly that in fifth grade I convinced my mom to let me perm my waist length hair. (True story.) How the perm ruined my hair.
I also offered to learn how to braid or plait her hair. I could ask friends for help or watch YouTube videos, but it would take time. That’s where I lost her. She didn’t want to sit still that long. Typical 8-year-old.
She’s still very proud of her hair. Even if it doesn’t always do what she wants it to. Biracial hair or not, we all have that problem.
How do you talk to your kids about their hair?
I had to post the I Love My Hair video from Sesame Street. It was perfect for this post!
Your daughter's hair is gorgeous. Thanks for keeping it real in this post. And here's a cool blogger that I love. Check out TallNCurly Dot Com
Val, I will check out the site!
Sophia's hair is gorgeous!! I would love for my curls to look like that. I used to blow my hair out but it became too high-maintenance with kids, so I've reluctantly embraced my curls (read:I wear it pulled back 99% of the time!). My daughter would love straight blond hair like her best friend but with a Jewish mother and a Puerto Rican father, it's not happening!
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I think that no one loves the hair they're born with. We grow to love it. I think I gave up on curly hair after that bad perm though.
Your baby has pretty curls. You did the right thing by teaching her to love how God made her.
She maybe scared you will take too long to braid her hair. Don't perm her hair her texture will change and not come back it's the nature of come mix texture hair. Have you thought about asking the BFF mom is she would braid your daughter's hair. She would need to put a rubber band at the end so it will stay. Good luck
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I'm not sure how serious Sophia is about getting braids or twists. When she is, I'll make sure to find someone to do it.
My youngest daughter has stick straight hair. But some how it has a tendency to tangle every time she blinks! It is nuts!
Hair is such a thing! I had to cut my daughter's hair last summer and it was a long road to get it to grow again. I try to be as positive and talk about healthy hair and not "good hair."
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Maya is proud of her hair now and she loves it but it’s not always been easy do her. She’s been teased by kids on the school bus for having too straight hair (it is very soft and slippery with a heavy wave). She is always wanting it to be curlier, unless she is wanting it to be straighter. She now understands that with hair in the middle it can be either. We too had the science talk about her dads hair and my hair.