This post was inspired by the novel Those We Love Most by Lee Woodruff. Every family has its secrets and deceptions, but they come to surface a tragic accident changes the family dynamic forever. Join From Left to Write on June 6 as we discuss Those We Love Most. You can also enter to win a live video chat with Lee Woodruff! As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.
Last week, I made my husband sleep on my side of the bed. We’ve been together for 15 years, and we’ve “switched” the side we sleep less than a handful of times. First was during my pregnancy with Sophia. You’re supposed to sleep on your left side during the final months, so he made me switch sides.
I have this issue about breathing in someone’s hot, already inhaled breathe so I needed to be able to sleep turned to the outside of the bed. Yes, I know that makes cuddling in bed rather challenging for me. Now that I have two kids that went through the “want to be on me all the time they might as well try to get back into the womb” stages, I’m not so put off about “used” air. Jaxson is still in that stage. Sigh.
Right after Sophia was born, we promptly switched back because it was easier for me to grab her from her bassinet if I slept on my old side of the bed. The joys of breastfeeding meant I got out of bed every couple of hours or so. So I guess that means it’s been approximately 8 years since we last switched. And switched again. Eight years is a long time to sleep on the same side of the bed every night. Even when we travel and stay in a hotel, our bodies automatically gravitate to the “correct” side of the perfectly made bed. This made me wonder about other ways we just go through the motions, not thinking about what we’re doing exactly or why we’re doing it.
Our latest side-of-the-bed switch made me think about the main husband and wife characters in Those We Love Most. They had been married for so long that they knew all there was to know about each other. Or at least that’s how it felt. The familiarity became stifling for their marriage. Their marriage was in trouble long before they admitted it to themselves, much less each other.
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| Photo by AJU_photography via Creative Commons |
My marriage to my husband has been quite the roller coaster ride with its ups and downs plus the occasional upside-down turns. That’s practically every marriage. It’s not the twists and turns that can make or break a marriage, but whose hands you’re holding during the ride. I’m very lucky that both of us are ok with taking turns to be the holder and the holdee.
After 15 years, we can read each other pretty well. He knows when I need a break from the kids and he corrals them into the living room so I can take a hot soak in the tub. I discourage his vampire-like behavior on the weekends and send him out for a guys’ night–he needs a break from us too. Less you think our marriage is perfect, we still have those days where it’s just better to sit quietly next to each other, him engrossed in his tv shows and my nose buried in a book. We’re good with silence too.
While I’m still adjusting to sleeping on “his” side of the bed, the switch is a good thing. (He’s on doctor’s orders not to lean on his right side due to some swelling on his arm.) It makes me appreciate how comfortable we are around each other. I’ve come to enjoy cuddling in bed, albeit, my face must be turned out from his. He understands my need for space in bed (No touching! My skin feels too hot!).
Sometimes we move effortlessly through our marriage. Sometimes, I put in more effort than he does. Other times, he picks up my slack. We’re a team. It’s nice not to be the strong one all the time. We allow each other to switch, as to not burn out. Being a lone rock is hard, but having another person help hold you up is even better.
Do you have a specific side of the bed you sleep on?