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Mother’s Day is only a few days away and I’ve barely put any thought into it. I told hubby and Sophia they were in charge of plans for my Mother’s Day celebration. All I ask for is a visit to FroZenYo. A reasonable request, right?
Now it’s getting close to the date and I realized that I have no idea what to do for my mom. She lives in Louisiana so ideally I should have planned her gift last week. My relationship with my mom was very tumultuous until I became a mother myself. After I gave birth to Sophia, my mother talked to me differently. Finally, she spoke to me and treated me like an adult.
Just because she treated me as an adult didn’t mean she stopped dispensing advice and criticism. Thanks to my thicker adult skin and the wonders of long distance phone calls, her criticism is much easier to ignore. Like all mothers, my mom always has advice for everything, especially when it comes to teaching my kids the Vietnamese language.
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| Photo by epSo.de via Flickr |
Three years ago, the tone of my mom’s weekly advice phone call changed. It wasn’t her usual this is how you should raise the kids advice. Her voice was much gentler and more quiet than usual (Asian moms are loud talkers). At the time, I was in my first trimester of pregnancy with my toddler Jaxson.
Kim, my mother started, you need to take care of yourself. Don’t work so hard.
This came from my mom who dropped out of high school because it was too hard for her to learn English as a 16 year old Vietnamese immigrant. My mom who, for over 20 years, slaved over industrial sewing machines altering fur coats for rich Louisiana women. After that, she learned how to give manicures and pedicures while her clients gossiped over her head. She worked hard to provide for us. Now she’s retired. Her job is shopping for her grand kids and rearranging her home decor. She loves it.
So why did she tell me that?
The day before she gave me that bit of advice, my cousin by marriage, who coincidentally is named Kim, suddenly passed away. Only three days after she gave birth to her third child. She left the hospital with her newborn son a happy healthy mom. Three days later she started vomiting and couldn’t stop. Her husband brought her to the emergency room and she died shortly after. It all happened so fast. No one knew how or why.
Kim and I went to kindergarten together. She pushed me down and called me fat. As an adult, she married my cousin. We were both born the same year. My cousin Kim was one of the first people in my family who stood up for me when I started dating my husband. She was healthy until the day she wasn’t. Kim worked hard, but also knew how to have fun.
My mother worries about me, my husband, and the kids. We live far away and Skype is how she gets to visit with her grand kids. We’re lucky if we get to visit them once a year. Growing up, I never felt that I did anything right, or not enough to make her proud of me.
Hearing those words three years ago made me realize that she’s incredibly proud of me. It’s her way of telling me that I’m a great mother and I’m raising amazing kids. When I’m staying up too late working or saying yes to to many things, somehow she knows. Don’t work so hard, my mom reminds me.
Thanks, Mẹ. Con thương Mẹ .
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