I Need a Vacation From Motherhood

That’s what I told my husband a last week. I’ve been thinking it for days, but I felt guilty uttering those words. “I need a vacation from motherhood.”  I knew that Sophia and my husband had been covertly planning my Mother’s Day, which we celebrated on Friday since hubby had to work all weekend. Yeah, the mom guilt loves thoughts like that.

There must be a defense mechanism that makes mothers forget how crazy the toddler years are. I keep asking my husband if I felt this exasperated when Sophia was Jaxson’s age. The answer is, of course, yes. That’s what I get for having kids 4 years apart I guess. I forget.

Just give me a moment while I have a teeny pity party. Teeny. Sometimes I can handle the piles of dirty (and clean) laundry. The dirty dishes. Packing lunch each school day. Figuring what to feed everyone for dinner. That’s what moms (and dads) do. I get that.

You know what drives me crazy? All the I wants. Demanding little buggers, my kids are. My daughter is old enough to filter some of it out or ask politely but we’re still working on it for the toddler. After the I wants and I needs, there’s the touching and clinging. When Jaxson doesn’t want to sit on my lap, pull at my blouse (even though we stopped nursing back in December) or headbutt me for the sheer joy of it; then Sophia needs her turn to be cuddled, read to, or simply be near me. When the kids are finally in bed and I get my quiet time. Next comes the cat, nudging my hand over her head for a rub.

For a person who doesn’t like a lot of touching or affecting, it’s making me crazy. As I write this, the mom guilt is stabbing tiny holes in my heart, yelling at me. Then I also feel guilty because I’m all tapped out and don’t even want to a peck on the lips when my husband comes home from work. Feeling crazy makes me less patient with the kids. I yell more. I hate yelling at them.

Okay, pity party done. Mommy guilt, not so much.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel I feel this way. I think it’s because I’m not getting enough adult interaction. With only one day a week for family time, I chose to cut back on the frequency of my Passion Parties. It works out because I’ve been doing more social media work and my book club is going strong. Sure, I worked during my Passion Parties, but I also met 10-15 new people at every party. Working from home fits into my night owl (and kids sleeping) schedule, but it can be isolating. Chatting with friends on Twitter and Facebook isn’t the same as face to face interaction.

I’m going to figure out how to keep myself sane. An old friend called me a few weeks ago and we met at the park with our toddlers. When our eldest children started school, our schedules didn’t mesh well and we lost touch. Hanging out with her revived me. Not the mother or wife in me, but me as a person. We might have talked about our kids, but we talked about our aspirations. She wants needs more time for her creativity, so she signed up for a photography class. She takes yoga every Tuesdays and Thursdays.

She might not have realized it, but she’s given me motivation to find something for myself that’s not kids or work. I’m not sure what it is yet, but I’m going to figure it out. I think I got a good start with a night out thanks to my friend Jessica of A Parent in Spring. She and Treat took us out for dinner as we chatted about an easy way to send out greeting cards and 50 Shades of Grey.

I still think all moms need a vacation from motherhood once in a while. Have you ever felt this way?

photo via unsure shot

Jessica invited me out to dinner to learn about Treat, but I was not obligated to post about Treat or their services. In addition to dinner, I was gifted with credits which I used to send my mother and mother-in-law. Which was good timing because I totally forgot to buy cards for them. With Treat, I just designed them and they even mailed them for me. Disaster averted! This post contains affiliate links.