When I told my mom I quit my job to stay home with Sophia, I wasn’t sure how she would react.
Both of my parents worked. As Vietnamese immigrants, they worked hard so my sister and I had a roof over our heads. Almost all the women (as well as the men) in my family worked as well. For them, working wasn’t a choice, but a matter of survival. My mother’s parents watched us and our cousins while my mother, father, aunts and uncles worked 40+ hours a week. Once my sister and I started school, we became latchkey kids, as our home was a 30 minute drive from my grandparents. During the summer, we were told to stay inside because if social services discovered we were home alone, they would take us away from them.
I planned on returning to work. As an associate for a theatre’s education department, I loved what I did. What I didn’t love was my boss. She micromanaged her staff and did not like how I asserted myself. I had planned on working until I went into labor. However, boss lady started to make me feel unwanted. I received less and less projects, her reasoning was that I wouldn’t be there to finish them.
During the first month of my maternity leave, she started to call my home. Being a first time mom, I was definitely harried and sleep-deprived. Those calls were not returned. I had left her a notebook of my responsibilities and how to accomplish it. Soon, the calls stopped but then came an email.
Her email, in her rambling way, basically informed me that she would have to reevaluate my my productivity and position in the department. She also admonished me for not returning her phone calls. Better yet, she also cc’d HR on it. Reading this email with a wailing 3 week old baby in arm at 1AM didn’t help matters. How was I supposed to defend myself over email? I was flabbergasted.
After talking to hubby about the situation, we agreed that returning to that environment would not be good for me or our newly expanded family. We would definitely have to cinch our budget a lot more.
Thankfully, I had
Passion Parties to fall back on. If I added a couple of extra parties a month, we would manage.
Being a stay at home mom (or technically, I’m a work at home mom) isn’t easy. I’m very social and found the first couple months very isolating. Eventually I figured things out. Discovered free activities to take Sophia. Found a mom’s group that I clicked with. Best of all, hubby was very supportive. If I looked like I had been cooped up too long, he sent me out to Target for a couple of hours. Just for some me time.
As for my mom? I think she’s proud of me. Vietnamese parents don’t tell their children when they’re proud of them. But I know it. She missed out on our childhood because needed to work. She’s proud because I speak Vietnamese to her grandchildren. They are smart and confident. When I take a weekend off from doing Passion Parties (it’s nice to have a break, even if I love it), she reminds me that it’s better that I’m healthy and can take care of the kids.
Growing up, I tried so hard to make my parents proud and earn their approval. Except in our culture, approval is never spoken. It’s shown through actions and concern for our well being.
Now that I’m older, I’ve realized this and accept it. It’s made my relationship with my mother that much better.
This post was inspired by If You Knew Suzy: A Mother, a Daughter, a Reporter’s Notebook by Katherine Rosman, our current book for the online book club, From Left to Write. After her mother’s death, Katherine Rosman explores her mother’s life using her reporting skills. I received a copy of the book for review.
As for me? Being a SAHM is very fulfilling, but I’m also glad to her other outlets, like my Passion Parties business and my crafts.