My mom and I didn’t really get along until I moved away. Even then, our relationship was tricky. As the oldest and a first generation Vietnamese-American, we butted heads about many things. Usually it had something to do with how my mom viewed things versus the American way. To my family’s horror I married a non-Vietnamese man.
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| Don’t worry, inside it says, “For making me so amazingly awesome. . .” |
When I became pregnant a few years later, I noticed our relationship had evolved. My mom started to treat more like an adult. Before, when she was unhappy with a decision I had made, she would constant try to talk me out of it (like marrying my husband), or she would give me a guilt trip or even worse, the silent treatment. Yes, she worried about my health during the pregnancy, but now she respected my decisions without argument, once I explained my reasoning behind it. I also reached out to her with questions about pregnancy and babies. It was the best we’ve gotten along in years.
Before my daughter was born, I was determined to breastfeed. My mom didn’t breastfeed me or my sister. I don’t remember any of her sisters breastfeeding either. Even my aunt who had three of her kids in Vietnam. Surely women in Vietnam give their babies mother’s milk? Formula must be a luxury in a third world country.
Nursing my daughter was tough. I didn’t have very supportive nurses during my recovery in the hospital. One nurse popped a bottle in Sophia’s mouth as she asked me if I planned on nursing. As a first time mom, I had no idea what I was doing. The one hour breastfeeding portion of my birthing class taught me nothing. I had problems getting her to latch on once we got home. At her one week weight check she had lost weight. It was definitely a stressful period. Thank goodness for my husband who gave me pep talks and encouraged me to continue nursing.
Thankfully Sophia and I figure out breastfeeding before my parents arrived to see their first grandchild. The entire week my parents were with us, my mom made disparaging remarks about my decision to breastfeed. You’ll have saggy boobs. You need to give your husband a chance to feed the baby. Oh give her some water in a bottle, so she’s not so hungry.
As Sophia and I became pros at breastfeeding, my mom was still not supportive. When we reached our year milestone, every time we spoke, my mom gave me a hard time about extended nursing. I pointed out how smart her granddaughter was. See, it’s the breastfeeding! Her response: Women nursed in Vietnam and there were still stupid people. I was at a loss for words. I was so glad we live hundreds of miles apart.
Fast forward to the birth of our son. My mother assumed I would breastfeed. I guess she knew I would breastfeed no matter what.
What really surprised me was the change in her attitude. My parents had become the psuedo-grandparents to my teenage cousin’s daughter D. They would take care of her on while my cousin took college classes and worked two jobs. When Jaxson was four months old, we visited my parents in Louisiana.
My mom talked up breastfeeding to my cousin’s daughter. Mom even brought her in the room while I nursed Jaxson so D could watch. What a change from four years ago! I think my mom was even proud that I breastfed my daughter and now my son. She would wistfully talk about how she never made any milk for me. (Makes me think my mom wasn’t properly educated about colostrum and how her milk would come in.)
Now my mom doesn’t give me a hard time about breastfeeding. She sees how healthy her granddaughter is, and so smart! (Though that might be genes and not necessary mama milk, but shhhh). It’s not in our culture for her to tell me she’s proud of me, but in her own way, she’s let me know. Her lack of support didn’t deter me from breastfeeding, but having a her support strengthens our relationship even more.
My mom, like any mother, offers me an overwhelming amount of advice. Mostly unsolicited. Sometimes what she shows me with her actions say much much more than her words. Thanks Mom!
What’s the best, craziest, or weirdest advice your mom has given you?
It’s not too early to think about Mother’s Day! Send your mom, mother-in-law or any moms in your life a Tiny Prints Mother’s Day card to let them know how much you appreciate them. This post has been sponsored by Tiny Prints through my membership with Global Influence Network. All opinions are my own.