3 Ways to Tell Your Kid That It’s OK to Fail

I grew up in a large family. Lots of cousins, aunts and uncles. Every Sunday we got together to eat, laugh, and play bingo or cards. Because there was so many of us and such a wide range of ages, there always seemed to be a baby in the family.

When the current baby was learning to walk, my cousins did the strangest thing. Whenever the baby stumbled or fell, instead of waiting to see how he or she would react, they cheered and applauded him or her. They would do it during the crucial seconds when the baby looked at the adults to figure out how if they were supposed to cry or not. So instead of crying or getting upset that he or she fell, she became excited. 

Pretty genius, right? Instead of coming to the child’s rescue or coddling him or her for falling, my family patted them on the back, so to speak. The child felt good about falling down.

In their own way, my family was telling the soon-to-be toddler, “It’s OK to fall. Just get back up.” I’ll take it even further and add, “It’s OK to fail. Keep trying.” 

I shared this story with my husband after Sophia was born. We’ve used this same concept with both kids, not just when they began toddling, but in anything they tried to learn or do. 

The words we use to encourage our children are just as important as how we say it. Here’s three ways I encourage our kids when things aren’t going their way.

1. When they’re learning something new and can’t quite get it, I tell them, “Try again.” Instead of dwelling on their mistakes, I acknowledge that yes, his mile-high (to him) Lego building fell over and broke in a gazillion pieces, but that’s OK. Let’s do it again. Together, I help my toddler rebuild it.
2. “Let’s practice some more.” Every third dinner or so, we eat a meal that requires chopsticks. OK, not requires, but utilizes them. Because both Sophia and Jaxson see us eating with our chopsticks, they want to try as well. Even though we bought training chopsticks for them, it’s not as simple as using a forth. Whenever Sophia become frustrated because she is constantly dropping her noodles, I remind her that it takes practice. Then I’ll give her bigger pieces of food (or less slippery ones) to practice with.
3. “This is tricky.” Whenever the kids attempt to do something that might be a bit out of their skill set, I don’t tell them that it’s hard. Think about it. If we tell ourselves something is hard to do, we will either stop trying or keep at it until we accomplish it. Most of us probably fall in the first. I know I can be pretty lazy. By saying “This is tricky, but we can figure it out together,” I’m sending a message that yes, this task is hard, but there’s a way to accomplish it.

I love hearing Jaxson comfort me when I’m frustrated about something. He gives me a big grin and says, “Mama, try again!”

How do you encourage your kids?