I used to love good gossip. I had certain friends/colleagues that didn’t live nearby. Every time we spoke on the phone we exchanged gossip: my East Coast gossip for her West Coast gossip. Oh we had a blast doing it. “Did you hear about so and so?” “X is getting a divorce.” It was juicy.
I thought that by sharing gossip with these friends, it gave me an “in” to the group. I wanted to belong. They gossiped, and I joined them. I didn’t do it just to fit in. I enjoyed the gossip. Then I realized that I didn’t gain anything from the gossip except for a sense of righteousness.
The energy surrounding it was so negative. When I got off the phone, I shared the gossip with my husband. He had no idea who most of these people were. I was feeding the negative energy.
So I stopped our regular phone calls.
I decided, No More Drama. I did not want to be involved in it, feed it, or disperse it. I want to spread happy positive energy. Having worked at a job where negative energy ran rampant, I know first hand how it can make me a mean, unhappy person. If that means removing myself from people who love drama, so be it.
Since most of my friends are women, it can be hard to avoid gossip. (I’m not stereotyping. Most of my male friends don’t gossip with me.) I’m not perfect. I do succumb to it. There are people who I prefer not to hang out with. I itch to talk about them. That gossip wants to jump out of my mouth.
So I revert to Good Talk. Instead of tearing others down, lift them up. I love complimenting my friends as well as the woman in front in the grocery line. Not fake compliments just to make them feel better. If I like her shoes, I’ll tell her so. Or maybe someone is carrying a fabulous handbag. I love dreaming about the days when I’m free of my diaper bag.
I try to do the same for Sophia. If she’s been a good listener or has done something thoughtful or is sharing well, I’ll tell her.
I want to be a good example for her. No inner mean girl for her. I want her to grow up strong, confident, and independent. I think I’m off to a good start.
This post was inspired by week one of the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. Have you joined yet? It’s free!
I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.