“One girl and one boy. Your family is complete!”
“Now you have the perfect family!”
I lost track of how many times my husband and I heard those sentences during the pregnancy of my youngest–a boy. At first I just gave confused looks to the friends and strangers who were so thrilled about our “complete” family. Why did having a boy make our family complete? Even my husband didn’t understand such logic.
It was some sort of compliment or code we didn’t understand.
We started responding with, “Our family is complete no matter what. We’re done having kids after this one.” But I felt like I we were defending something we didn’t need to. We loved our firstborn daughter and would love our second no matter the baby’s gender. The only reason we wanted to know our son’s gender was because my mother was anxious to shop for baby things. Because she loves to shop.
In our latest book club for From Left to Write, The Underground Girls of Kabul by investigative journalist Jenny Nordberg, women in Afghanistan are deemed failures if they cannot produce sons. Never mind that a woman’s egg does not determine the baby’s gender. The lack of education about procreation is evident in the belief that women can grow a baby boy by wishing hard enough.
Our family is complete not because we have miraculously created one of each gender.
Our family is not complete because I have finally given my father a (grand)son.
Our family is not complete because I get to dress up my daughter like a doll and still have a boy to dress too.
Our family is not complete because we get the best of both worlds, when it comes to toys and books.
Our family is complete because both of our children have filled our lives to the brim–no, overflowing–with a love I could have never even imagined before we became parents.
Love makes our family complete.
This post was inspired by The Underground Girls of Kabul by journalist Jenny Nordberg, who discovers a secret Afghani practice where girls are dressed and raised as boys. Join From Left to Write on September 16th as we discuss The Underground Girls of Kabul. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.
Pingback: Book Club Discussion: The Underground Girls of Kabul - From Left to Write
Yes! I only have one and for awhile had to deal with the questions about trying for another, as if there was something missing. It might have offered me a different life experience to have another child–or a boy child after having had girl child–but complete? Everything is complete as it is.
Love your take on this Kim. The whole gender identity subject has my head spinning after reading the book. Jenny Nordberg really did have a once in a life time opportunity to give us a picture of this experience in Afghanistan.
My recent post Gender Identity in Afghanistan
That is beautiful. I too had one boy, one girl. But people will continue to be people. My co-worker has two beautiful girls and her husband is just fine with not having a boy, but you have no idea how many clients come in and see the picture on her desk and say "Now you just need a boy." Especially in the Hispanic community. It's just human nature to say that, just like it's human nature to touch a woman's belly when she's pregnant. But I love what you last said "Love makes our family complete".
My recent post The World At My Fingertips and How It Has Changed How I Read Books
Beautiful post. Overflowing love for your kids came pouring through! When I pregnant with my second I had problems at the end that threatened both of our lives. I was so relieved that she was born and bien healthy that it took me several months to realize we now had one of each sex. It is nice that it turned out that way but as long as they were healthy I didn't care which we got!
My recent post Uluru