A Hard Email To Send

My mouse hovered over the send button. “I’m going to click it!” I said out loud, more to myself than to hubby. I closed my eyes and clicked Send.

There. Done. I couldn’t go back.

For the past few months, I’ve deliberated about renewing my term as president of my local moms group chapter for 2011. I didn’t even plan to run for president this year. However, the chapter needed a president for 2010. Without someone in the leadership position, the chapter would have to be disbanded. Since I had been considering it anyway, I ran for president.

It’s almost election time again. Our chapter bylaws require elections be held in October. Several members had asked if I planned on returning as chapter president for next year. I had no idea. I honestly couldn’t decided. My Libra self went back and forth. Yes, I should. No, I’m too busy. Yes, the chapter needs me. No, someone else will step into leadership.

Last night I decided. I sent the email to our group’s listserv. I would not be renewing my term next year. It was a relief to finally send out the email and announce the vacancy. Now I can’t turn back.

As your typical Asian-American overachiever, I feel like I can pile tons of projects on my plate. I can manage. I’ll just get a bigger plate. Usually it doesn’t take me long to make a decision about whether I should take on a project or role. So why all the deliberation with this one?

First I had to figure out why it was so hard for me to say No. What were my reasons for renewing my term? Soon I realized it: obligation. I felt that it was my duty to return as the chapter’s president. If I didn’t return, that mean our entire executive board would be new to their positions. I couldn’t do that to our chapter. I remember what an adjustment my new duties had been as a new president even with a seasoned vice president and treasurer. How would next year’s president and her board feel?

That was my Inner Mean Girl talking. I was not being fair to my chapter if obligation was my main reason for returning as president. I need to give more to my fellow members. I have faith in my chapter members. Someone will step into leadership with her vision–ready to blossom with the support of her new board’s energy.

I’ve enjoyed the role thus fair, but I have too much on my plate. I can’t carry a bigger plate forever. I need to focus on what is important for me and my family. My sanity is important because without it, this family would fall apart. My family is #1 on my list.

It’s amazing what being aware of my Inner Mean Girl can do. I’m still sad by my decision, but I know it’s the best one for me and my moms group chapter.

This post was inspired by week three of the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. Have you joined yet? It’s free!

I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School

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