Family vs Career aka SAHM vs Working Moms

I never realized how controversial the lives of working moms versus stay at home moms (SAHM) until I decided to be a SAHM. What was the big deal, I thought? My scenario is probably very familiar to many moms out there. Financially it was better for our family that I stay home with my daughter since most of my income would go towards childcare.

Technically, I’m not a SAHM. I work from home, so that would be WAHM. After spending most of the week with my kids all day and all night, I need a break. Thankfully I have a fun job. I get to spend time around adults at parties that include frosty beverages and battery-operated boyfriends. (I’m not the only one that needs a break either. Check out Wife and Mommy’s post.)

For some people the distinction is important. They cling to them: work out of home, stay at home, work at home. We’re all moms. So why fight over who has it better? Everyone’s situation is different. They do what’s best for them.

After reading Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh, I definitely appreciated that as women, we have all these options. Greenhalgh imagines the tumultuous affair between these two icons. Though Stravinsky was in love with Coco, part of him was turned off by her success. High class women in the 1910s didn’t work. It was considered common for women to work. Stravinsky’s wife was a stay at home mom, though she had consumption, Catherine felt she was better than Coco Chanel.

Coco Chanel had to choose between her career or a family. Even though she was more successful than him at the time of their affair, Stravinsky felt that his work was more important. After all, his music was art, while Chanel’s designs were business (according to him). It even seems that he resented how financially successful and independent she was. Coco Chanel never had a family. Perhaps she didn’t to sacrifice her independence for a husband and kids.

I feel very lucky that as women, we have many more choices today. If I didn’t work, I’d go insane. Many women love devoting their days to their children. They are amazing at it.  I wish I was able to do that. Others love their careers outside the home.  I don’t think I could choose.

I hate that the media creates this war between mothers who stay home (out of choice or necessity) and mothers who work outside the home. The grass will always look greener on the other side. Each choice has its pros and cons.

Honestly, I don’t think this war really exists. As a member of an amazing moms support group, we have members in all journeys of employment. Some start as SAHM, then transition to working outside the home and then back again. Some work part-time or from home.  We all just want to be good mothers and still love ourselves as women.

In the end we are all women first, then mothers. To be good mothers, we have to be true to ourselves first. Coco Chanel was true to herself. I admire her independence and her ambition.She had many lovers and went after what she wanted, no matter what. Even though it was socially unacceptable for her to be a business woman, the desire for her to create amazing garments and the famous Chanel No. 5 perfume burned inside her. She could not ignore it.

I hope that amongst all diapers and laundry, I’m doing my best to live the passion that is inside me. That’s what I want my kids to see. That’s what I want them to model.

This post was written in conjunction with the Silicon Valley Moms book club. I was given a copy of the book for review.

6 Comments

  1. Bonggamom January 28, 2010
  2. Cindy Fey January 28, 2010
  3. Necia_in_Miami January 28, 2010
  4. Thien-Kim aka Kim January 28, 2010
  5. Nya's mom July 30, 2010
  6. Liz Sacks February 26, 2011